I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

I would get my student loans, get money, register and never really go. It was a system I thought would somehow pan out.

Mike Royce and I have always had success writing what we know. What we know now is that we're middle-aged, neurotic and fat.

If a guy's ever telling you a four-hour sex story with a straight face, just feel sorry for him. Not for lying to you, but for lying to himself. As a matter of fact, stop him right in the middle of the story and just hug him. Nine times out of ten he'll just break down and cry. He knows you know.

I feel like this is a dream - and I apologize for how I dressed some of you.

I still feel like an immature idiot inside, but I look in the mirror and - as a friend of mine once said- this old guy keeps getting in the way.

That's the one thing I have over any twenty-one-year-old: a proud history of accumulated neuroses. That's the game in which I'm da man.