In larger things we are convivial; what causes trouble is the trivial.

This golfer has a wicked slice. And quite a follow-through. That's why his partner, who stood too close, Is on the green in two.

Each year it grows harder to make ends meet - the ends I refer to are hands and feet.

"Do you want my honest opinion?" People ask. I say, "Yes," for I'm curious. So they give me their honest opinion, And I - well, I'm always furious.

A rumor is one thing that gets thicker instead of thinner as it is spread.

There are very few humorists who have written first-rate humor after they've become elderly.

They head the list of bad to bet on: But I insist they're worse to get on