I turned Hamlet down because it was going to take up too much of my drinking time.

Marriage is a custom brought about by women who then proceed to live off men and destroy them, completely enveloping the man in a destructive cocoon or eating him away like a poisonous fungus on a tree.

When a man sees his end, he wants to know there was some purpose to his life.

I formed a new group called Alcoholics-Unanimous. If you don't feel like a drink, you ring another member and he comes over to persuade you.

I don't drink because I have problems or I want to escape. I just love drinking and being drunk.

Many kids turn to selling drugs. It's not a good career choice, but they see it as a way to get money.

LOL has turned into something you type when you have nothing better to add into a conversation.