I'd like to make you laugh for about ten minutes though I'm gonna be on for an hour.

I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right.

When I was in Africa, this voice came to me and said, "Richard, what do you see?" I said, "I see all types of people." The voice said, "But do you see any niggers?" I said, "No." It said, "Do you know why? 'Cause there aren't any."

I had some great things and I had some bad things. The best and the worst . . . In other words, I had a life.

I won't talk about what it was like in prison, except to say I'm glad I'm out and that I plan never to go back and to pay my taxes every day.

But for the use of physical punishment by, and fear of their oppressors, animals would never be a part of a circus.

What I never understand about a hangover is, where does the breath come from? You know what I mean? I mean, is someone shitting in your mouth?