My philosophy? Have a laugh for as long as you can and don't get run over. Or stabbed.

I never think of myself as a celebrity - or even an actor, actually. I think of myself as a writer-director.

Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right. Some people are offended by mixed marriage, gay people, atheism. So what? F*** 'em.

For any of you who don't know, the Golden Globes are just like the Oscars, but without all that esteem. The Golden Globes are to the Oscars what Kim Kardashian is to Kate Middleton. A bit louder, a bit trashier, a bit drunker, and more easily bought.

There's a difference between a job and a career - if you're the boss you don't stop at six o'clock, you have to worry about everything all the time.

I never had a plan. I just sort of ambled along, doing exactly what I wanted every day of my life.

My ideal meal would probably be the cheesiest pasta or pizza, followed by something creamy and chocolaty. I mean, just the worst things, really.