You are the result of billions of years of evolution. You will only live for a few years and will never exist again. Absolutely beautiful

I fought a bear once. But it started crying, so I let it off.

Pol Pot - he rounded up anybody he thought was intellectual and had them executed. And how he told someone was intellectual or not was whether they wore glasses. If they're that clever, take them off when they see him coming!

Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks

My ideal meal would probably be the cheesiest pasta or pizza, followed by something creamy and chocolaty. I mean, just the worst things, really.

I know how much embarrassment hurts, and I love it as a theme because you can keep digging a hole. It's just an endless well, embarrassment.

That's the amazing thing about life. You can just rub it out, like a blackboard, and start again.