If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?

Some [people] are really smart. You know who you are. Some [people] are really thick. Unfortunately, you don't know who you are.

We want to see a struggle. We want to see people falling over but getting themselves back up on their feet, and that's what's extraordinary- ordinary people and their struggle. There's nothing as interesting as real life out your window. You walk down the street for half an hour, I'll give you half an hour of drama.

Honor is a gift a man gives himself. You can be as good as anyone that ever lived. If you can read, you can learn everything that anyone ever learned. But you've got to want it.

People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

There's a difference between a job and a career - if you're the boss you don't stop at six o'clock, you have to worry about everything all the time.

I like my baths really deep and hot. But washing everything only takes a few minutes. So I thought it would be a waste to just flush all that water away. So there was nothing else to do but take pictures of myself trying to look as horrendous as possible. Oh my, what have I started?