I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.

I want to manufacture a feud.

I actually got the part. And I thought, Well, I'll do it for a while. I'll just quit if it's stupid.

I have to stay true to myself.

Pat OBrien knows nothing. Hes on the Hell express.

Once I found out how much an Off-Off-Broadway actor makes, I was whoring myself out the next day.

If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.