People moved in across the street and are immediately cutting down a huge tree. Their toothbrushes will know my buttonhole.

I can't 'make' you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favourite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.

Depression taught me the importance of compassion and hard work, and that you can overcome enormous obstacles.

On Twitter, I just want to make you laugh at all costs.

Don't even FRONT like you love your family, America, or God, if you don't have a DETAILED & REHEARSED Black Friday tactical shopping plan.

I'm crazy about Shakespeare, who was a notorious word inventor. And my wife is an English teacher, and she's hilarious.

The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the world, get out and walk around, read a book, go talk to some birds or a dog and replenish the well, as it were.