People moved in across the street and are immediately cutting down a huge tree. Their toothbrushes will know my buttonhole.

I'm a comedian at the beginning and the end of the day. I'm not affiliated with any campaign, nor do I generally find politics interesting enough to plan to be involved.

Elderly people, I have found, when they're being honest, are also scumbags, and enjoy a little prurient humour as well.

I hate wearing suits and ties.

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

Politicians, it's in their job description to just lie, every day.

Comedians who are 22 years old can certainly be funny and clever, and be capable of telling jokes - but are they talking about their favorite TV shows, or a particular brand of shampoo?