The best thing you can do when you're not feeling funny is go out and get more stimuli from the world, get out and walk around, read a book, go talk to some birds or a dog and replenish the well, as it were.

I hate wearing suits and ties.

My stand-up is far more rooted in reality than my Twitter.

I'm endlessly fascinated by parenting, marriage, my wife and the ins and outs of marriage.

It's probably not love if you don't press your face to the toilet seat after they've used it to feel their warmth.

The danger for a comedian on Twitter is the same danger that any civilian faces: sometimes you gotta put that phone down and go live your life. When you're on Twitter, you're not living, and if you're not living, you're not taking in stimuli with which you can create new material.

People moved in across the street and are immediately cutting down a huge tree. Their toothbrushes will know my buttonhole.