My stand-up is far more rooted in reality than my Twitter.

In the ambiguity and shifting playing field of adult life, I often wish I could just fill in a dot and have someone say “Yes” and hand me a chicken leg, or “No” and slap me with an old fish.

Elderly people, I have found, when they're being honest, are also scumbags, and enjoy a little prurient humour as well.

I think your ambition for something changes as you go.

I had always loved comedy, and acted out Steve Martin and Bill Cosby albums with my sister for my parents on road trips and stuff, and I loved to laugh and make people laugh.

I can't 'make' you love me. But I can fill my pantry with your favourite snacks and offer you a weekly stipend of $75.

Politicians, it's in their job description to just lie, every day.