There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

There is no doubt that every healthy, normal boy...should own a dog at some time in his life, preferably between the ages of forty-five and fifty.

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born. We are constantly remarking on the fact that things are done well by people other than ourselves. "The Japanese are a remarkable little people," we say, as if we were doing them a favor. "He is an Arab, but you ought to hear him play the zither." Why "but"?

A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.

Streets flooded. Please advise.

Who said time machines haven't been built yet? They already exist. They're called books