There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

The knocking out of a pipe can be made almost as important as the smoking of it, especially if there are nervous people in the room. A good, smart knock of a pipe against a tin wastebasket and you will have a neurasthenic out of his chair and into the window sash in no time.

A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.

In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.

It is one of the most discouraging experiences I have ever had, not forgetting the time when I winked at the Queen Mother in London once.