There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.

Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.