A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.

Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.

A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

I can remember the day when all that a professor was supposed to do was to mark "C minus" on students' examination papers, then gohome to tea. Nowadays they seem to feel that they must know just how much we (outside the university) eat, what we do with our spare time, and how we like our eggs.

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.

Traveling with children corresponds roughly to traveling third class in Bulgaria.