A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

It must be a source of great chagrin to those in charge to think of so many people being able to stick a stamp on a letter and drop it in a mail box without any trouble or suffering at all. They are probably working on a system this very minute, trying to devise some way in which the public can be made to fill out a blank, stand in line, consult some underling who will refer him to a superior, and then be made to black up with burned cork before they can mail a letter.

The discovery of phobias by psychiatrists has done much to clear the atmosphere. Whereas in the old days a person would say: 'Let's get the heck out of here!' today she says: 'Let's get the heck out of here! I've got claustrophobia.

Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men.

There is probably no moment more appalling than that in which the tongue comes suddenly upon the ragged edge of a space from which the old familiar filling has disappeared.

My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.