A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.

England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.

If you look at eggs, you will see that each one is almost round but not quite ... Nature's way of distinguishing eggs from large golf balls.

There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.

[Reviewing the New York City Telephone Directory] But it is the opinion of the present reviewer that the weakness of plot is due to the great number of characters which clutter up the pages. The Russian school is responsible for this.