Most personal correspondence of today consists of letters the first half of which are given over to an indexed statement of why the writer hasn't written before, followed by one paragraph of small talk, with the remainder devoted to reasons why it is imperative that the letter be brought to a close.

A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.

England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but--" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.

I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.