One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

People who begin sentences with "I may be old-fashioned but--" are usually not only old-fashioned but wrong. I never thought the time would come when I should catch myself leading off with that crack. But I feel it coming on right now.

I suppose that one of the psychological principles of advertising is to so hammer the name of your product into the mind of the timid buyer that when he is confronted with a brusk demand for an order he can't think of anything else to say, whether he wants it or not.

There are two ways to travel, first class or with children.