Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

Consider the number of young people all over the world who are getting married, day in and day out, for no other reason than thatsomeone of the opposite sex looks well in a green jersey or sings baritone, and then tell me that divorce has reached menacing proportions. The surface of divorce has not even been scratched yet.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

[Reviewing the New York City Telephone Directory] But it is the opinion of the present reviewer that the weakness of plot is due to the great number of characters which clutter up the pages. The Russian school is responsible for this.