A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

There are several natural phenomena which I shall have to have explained to me before I can keep on going as a resident member ofthe human race. One is the metamorphosis which hats and suits undergo exactly one week after their purchase, whereby they are changed from smart, intensely becoming articles of apparel into something children use when they want to "dress up like daddy.

The Great Arizona Desert is full of the bleaching bones of people who waited for me to start something.

What is the disease which manifests itself in an inability to leave a party--any party at all--until it is all over and the lightsare being put out?... I suppose that part of this mania for staying is due to a fear that, if I go, something good will happen and I'll miss it. Somebody might do card tricks, or shoot somebody else.

My only solution for the problem of habitual accidents is to stay in bed all day. Even then, there is always the chance that you will fall out.