You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

I suppose that one of the psychological principles of advertising is to so hammer the name of your product into the mind of the timid buyer that when he is confronted with a brusk demand for an order he can't think of anything else to say, whether he wants it or not.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.

I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, "Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope," and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.