A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

Every boy should have two things: a dog and a mother who lets him have one

There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

I am both a public and a private school boy myself, having always changed schools just as the class in English in the new school was taking up Silas Marner, with the result that it was the only book in the English language that I knew until I was eighteen--but, boy, did I know Silas Marner!

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.