All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

It is one of the most discouraging experiences I have ever had, not forgetting the time when I winked at the Queen Mother in London once.

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.

A freelance is one who gets paid by the word -- per piece or perhaps.

If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.