All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.

I don't trust a bank that would lend money to such a poor risk.

All that a spectator gets out of the game is fresh air, the comical articles in his program, the sight of twenty-two young men rushing about in mysterious formations, and whatever he brought in his flask.

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.

I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.

England and America should scrap cricket and baseball and come up with a new game that they both can play. Like baseball, for example.