All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

Who has not wished that his host would come out frankly at the beginning of the visit and state, in no uncertain terms, the rulesand preferences of the household in such matters as the breakfast hour? And who has not sounded out his guest to find out what he likes in the regulation of his diet and modus vivendi (mode of living)?

What is the disease which manifests itself in an inability to leave a party--any party at all--until it is all over and the lightsare being put out?... I suppose that part of this mania for staying is due to a fear that, if I go, something good will happen and I'll miss it. Somebody might do card tricks, or shoot somebody else.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.

It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.