All laughter is a muscular rigidity spasmodically relieved by involuntary twitching.

An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

This is a test. It is only a test. Had it been an actual job, you would have received raises, promotions, and other signs of appreciation.

One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.