You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.
Robert BenchleyThe Ultimate Day really begins the night before, when you sit up until one o'clock trying to get things into trunk and bags. This is when you discover the well-known fact that summer air swells articles to twice or three times their original size.
Robert BenchleyThe biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
Robert BenchleyThere is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
Robert BenchleyYou might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.
Robert BenchleyI can get dressed earlier in the evening with every intention of going to a dance at midnight, but somehow after the theatre the thing to do seems to be either to go to bed or sit around somewhere. It doesn't seem possible that somewhere people can be expecting you at an hour like that.
Robert Benchley