The ideal age for a boy to own a dog is between forty-five and fifty.

It was one of those plays in which all of the actors unfortunately enunciated very clearly.

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

One of the great natural phenomena is the way in which a tube of toothpaste suddenly empties itself when it hears that you are planning a trip, so that when you come to pack it is just a twisted shell of its former self, with not even a cubic millimeter left to be squeezed out.

There may be said to be two classes of people in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into two classes and those who do not.

If you are one of the hewers of wood and drawers of small weekly paychecks, your letters will have to contain some few items of news or they will be accounted dry stuff.... But if you happen to be of a literary turn of mind, or are, in any way, likely to become famous, you may settle down to an afternoon of letter-writing on nothing more sprightly in the way of news than the shifting of the wind from south to south-east.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.