A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?

I suppose that one of the psychological principles of advertising is to so hammer the name of your product into the mind of the timid buyer that when he is confronted with a brusk demand for an order he can't think of anything else to say, whether he wants it or not.

It has always seemed to me that the most difficult part of building a bridge would be the start.

All that a spectator gets out of the game is fresh air, the comical articles in his program, the sight of twenty-two young men rushing about in mysterious formations, and whatever he brought in his flask.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

She sleeps alone at last.

If you think that you have caught a cold, call in a good doctor. Call in three good doctors and play bridge.