A man gets on a train with his little boy, and gives the conductor only one ticket. 'How old's your kid?' the conductor says, and the father says, 'He's four years old.' 'He looks at least twelve to me,' says the conductor. And the father says, 'Can I help it if he worries?

Charlemagne either died or was born or did something with the Holy Roman Empire in 800.

I never knew anyone yet who got up at six who did anything more useful between that time and breakfast than banging a tennis ballup against the side of the house, waiting for the more civilized members of the party to get up.

The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliverand sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.

One cubic foot less of space and it would have constituted adultery.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of