Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which havea little left in the bottom.

You want to go easy on the suicide stuff - first thing you know, you'll ruin your health.

If Shakespeare were alive today and writing comedy for the movies, he would be the head-liner for the Mack Sennett studios.

Breaking the ice in the pitcher seems to be a feature of the early lives of all great men.