To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.

Most owners are at length able to teach themselves to obey their dog.

A party: one arrives long after it's started, and one's going to leave long before it's over.

I don’t work. I merely inflict myself on the public.

I have little patience with anyone who is not self-satisfied. I am always pleased to see my friends, happy to be with my wife and family, but the high spot of every day is when I first catch a glimpse of myself in the shaving mirror.

If in the paddock the owner is surrounded by a herd of young children, don't back his horse. But if the owner is accompanied by a beautiful lady, plunge to the hilt.

A man who has his initials on his pyjamas must be uncertain of himself. Surely you should know who you are at bed time.