You have to break in half to love somebody.

The great thing about marriage is the idea of really getting to know someone. And really getting to know a woman is a life long task.

I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, "My boy's got learnin'!"

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome.

Go pump some neurons. Expand your craniums

Before the Web, there was just one guy running around saying 'I KNOW!'