A Pentagon official once said the people who would actually push the button probably have never seen a person die. He said the only hope -and it's a strange thought - is if they put the button to launch the nuclear war behind a man's heart. The President, then, with a rusty knife, would have to cut out the man's heart, kill the man, to get to the button.

Women have so many levels. There's the physical level, which is a lot of fun. There's this emotional level, which is extremely mercurial.

When you create you get a little endorphin rush. Why do you think Einstein looked like that?

It doesn't matter who you are, if you've got the legs, you can hang with them.

We're not laughing at you - we're laughing near you

It is hard to find something where you can go off as much as I do in stand-up, but I think stand-up allows me that freedom where you can really go off and have a good time.

Compassionate conservative. I don't know what that is, it sounds like a Volvo with a gun rack.