People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves.

Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.

If we were interested in making money, we wouldn't have become teachers.

My comedy is like emotional hang-gliding.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.