You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren't paying attention to.

It was kind of a decompression - from straight alcohol to mixed drinks to wine to spritzers - and then you're out.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

You look at the world and see how scary it can be sometimes and still try to deal with the fear. Comedy can deal with the fear and still not paralyze you or tell you that it's going away. You say, OK, you got certain choices here, you can laugh at them and then once you've laughed at them and you have expunged the demon, now you can deal with them. That's what I do when I do my act.

On stage you're free. You can say and do things that if you said and did any place else, you'd be arrested.

The great thing about marriage is the idea of really getting to know someone. And really getting to know a woman is a life long task.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.