The Second Amendment! It says you have the right to bear arms, or the right to arm bears, whatever the hell you want to do!

I can be trained, I can actually show you how intelligent I am, I can use a word like delicatessen and know what it means.

The only weapon we have is comedy.

Self-reliance is the key to a vigorous life. A man must look inward to find his own answers.

If women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad.

Freud: If it's not one thing, it's your mother