I always wanted to play a big, black man, but that would cost too much make-up.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

My favorite is when you go to Afghanistan and you meet the special forces guys, and they look like these heavily armed surfers. These guys are the best. You see guys dressed as full Afghans, but then wearing a Yankees hat.

I met Jonah Lomu. I never knew how huge he was. I felt like a peasant in a Godzilla movie. 'Quickly! Tell the other villagers! We go now!'

Good people end up in Hell because they can't forgive themselves.

Cable is not bound because people pay for it. It's literally a choice, that's the operative word. If you don't like the language, if cocksucker offends you, then turn it off.

Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better.