We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!

I never performed on drugs. That'd be stupid. It's the same thing with athletes. They can't perform when they have cocaine problems.

Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better.

Keith Richards is the only man who can make the Osbournes look Amish.

A woman wouldn't make a bomb that kills you. A woman would make a bomb that makes you feel bad for a while. That's why there should be a woman President. There'd never be any wars, just every twenty-eight days there'd be very intense negotiations.

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.

I was in Iraq, Afghanistan, Djibouti, Bahrain. The first year I went pretty much by myself. Then I went with General [Richard] Myers, head of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. The shows and audiences were amazing. You'll never get a better group of people.