Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

When your spinal cord freezes up, you're vulnerable to everything. But he [Chrestopher Reese] was tough as nails. And he kept a great, kind of dark sense of humor about it, but also was able to accomplish amazing things.

To make fun of an administration, to make fun of anything, Mark Twain said, is the last defense of democracy.

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

I never performed on drugs. That'd be stupid. It's the same thing with athletes. They can't perform when they have cocaine problems.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'