Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

It's been a tough year. . . Someone said I should send out Buddhist thank-you cards since Buddhists believe that anything that challenges you makes you pull yourself together.

For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.

Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!

Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks.

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?