I've never had a "hankering" to direct. I can perform, but I can't write on that level. I tend to go off on tangents. Directing also requires a kind of specificity and I don't have it.

You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitude

Sometimes, keeping track of people. It's always a weird combination of worrying so much about the outside world, and not... you have to be more aware of the inner circle, the folks that matter.

My children give me a great sense of wonder. Just to see them develop into these extraordinary human beings.

Humor is a great defense, and an offense too. Usually the recipient isn't too happy about it, but the people around are laughing.

Even when I did my Broadway show, I did 15 minutes no one had seen before, because that was the night that Michael Jackson protested about Al Sharpton bailing on him. I said, "Wow, if that man bails on you, this must be really a lost cause."

I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins? And George will reply It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!