I'm fascinated by the new iPhone. I bought it and kept trying to use it in France. "Siri, what is a good restaurant?" (In a robotic voice.) "I'm sorry, Robin. I can't give locations in France." "Why, Siri?" "I don't know." It's like she was upset with the French or something. "They seem to have an attitude I can't understand. Should I look for Germans, Robin?"

You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous. And then you realize, no, actually if you take a break people might be more interested in you.

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.

There are no rules. Just follow your heart.

If you're that depressed, reach out to someone. And remember, suicide is a permanent solution, to a temporary problem.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.