I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.

A human life is just a heartbeat in heaven.

I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right Now

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!

Sometimes with a comedy it's just having the instinct of how real you play it and what level you want it.

You look at the world and see how scary it can be sometimes and still try to deal with the fear. Comedy can deal with the fear and still not paralyze you or tell you that it's going away. You say, OK, you got certain choices here, you can laugh at them and then once you've laughed at them and you have expunged the demon, now you can deal with them. That's what I do when I do my act.

We're dealing with fundamentalists... the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you're ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse's ass, that's a mechanic. Remember that.