My childhood was really nice. My parents never forced me to do anything; it was always, "If you want to do that, fine." When I told my father I was going to be an actor, he said, "Fine, but study welding just in case."

It was kind of a decompression - from straight alcohol to mixed drinks to wine to spritzers - and then you're out.

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.

Here's the best birth control in the whole world, if you really, if you have no pills, if you have no diaphragm, if you have no other form of contraception. Use it for ladies, if he comes at you with that little thing in his hand, just laugh at it. They can't deal with it, OK, it'll be gone.

When I find out a hotel doesn't have a DSL, it's like "What? There's no toilet?" Once you get used to high speed you ain't going back

Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.

Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refunds