Do you think God gets stoned? I think so ... look at the platypus.

Gentlemen, haven't we learned anything from the music of John Lennon? All we need is love.

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.' Because you have that initial warm feeling going, 'Oh, I remember this'. And your body does, too. And your body goes, 'Yeah, so do I'. Then the demon voice comes, 'Yeah, so do I. You know what would be great? You know we bought a little bottle before? A full bottle would be wonderful'.

The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.

Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better.