What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity, and decency, and God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy gentlemen. If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.

Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet.

My favorite is when you go to Afghanistan and you meet the special forces guys, and they look like these heavily armed surfers. These guys are the best. You see guys dressed as full Afghans, but then wearing a Yankees hat.

She is not perfect. You are not perfect. The question is whether or not you are perfect for each other

The idea of being a character who is kind of isolated, I can relate to that.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'

I always thought the idea of education was to learn to think for yourself.