You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I guarantee you, you'll win, no matter what the outcome.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

We're dealing with fundamentalists... the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you're ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse's ass, that's a mechanic. Remember that.

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

Here's the best birth control in the whole world, if you really, if you have no pills, if you have no diaphragm, if you have no other form of contraception. Use it for ladies, if he comes at you with that little thing in his hand, just laugh at it. They can't deal with it, OK, it'll be gone.

When the Williams sisters play tennis, it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?