I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.

I had my back waxed once by two women... and at one point they said, Do you mind if we take a break?

The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about: that's what made her my wife. Oh she had the goods on me too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they're not. Ah, that's the good stuff!

I only ever play Vegas one night at a time.

Gentlemen, haven't we learned anything from the music of John Lennon? All we need is love.

Mickey Mouse to a three-year-old is a six-foot-tall RAT!