Real loss is only possible when you love something more than you love yourself.

If women ran the world, we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Golf is one of the few sports where a white man can dress like a black pimp and not look bad.

You appreciate little things, like walks on the beach with a defibrillator.

It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.

They say our mothers really know how to push our buttons - because they installed them

Decaf is like masturbating with an oven mitt!