The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

The truth is, if anything, I'm probably addicted to laughter.

We used to be hunter-gatherers, now we're shopper-borrowers.

People say that I'm a tree hugger, but I do a lot more than hug trees. I like having my drinking water without faecal matter, that's really nice. Or acceptable levels of strychnine. I'm an air breather, I've gotten used to that over the years.

Texting and driving at the same time is like jerking off and juggling at the same time. Too many balls in the air, if you catch my drift.

Sometimes with a comedy it's just having the instinct of how real you play it and what level you want it.

Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?