The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.

I had sex with a prostitute when I was 21, I was so bad, she gave me a refund.

Cross-country running was so beautiful with all the trails and the lake regions ... very physical and also a bit spiritual, where you could come over the mountain and all of a sudden you'd see a Buddhist landscape fog.

My comedy is like emotional hang-gliding.

Canadian money is also called the loony. How can you take an economic crisis seriously?

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.