My childhood was lonely. Both my parents were away a lot, working, and the maid basically raised me. And I think that's where a lot of my comedy comes from. Not only was the maid very funny and witty, but when my mother came home I'd use humour to try and get her attention. If I made mommy laugh, then maybe everything would be all right. I think that's where it [my comedy] all started.

Do you get the feeling with Sarah Palin, in high school, she was voted least likely to write a book and most likely to burn one?

Cocaine for me was a place to hide. Most people get hyper on coke. It slowed me down. Sometimes it made me paranoid and impotent, but mostly it just made me withdrawn.

The only weapon we have is comedy.

Sometimes you got to specifically go out of your way to get into trouble. It's called fun.

I only ever play Vegas one night at a time.

The meek may inherit the earth, but they don't get in to Harvard.