My father retired to San Francisco, and I got a chance to know him and be around him. It's always been someplace where everything changed for the better. It's always been a home for me.

We're dealing with fundamentalists... the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you're ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse's ass, that's a mechanic. Remember that.

The great thing about marriage is the idea of really getting to know someone. And really getting to know a woman is a life long task.

Acting is different from stand-up. It gives you this ability to enter into another character, to create another person.

I enjoy that, and the idea of doing small things over a period of time. I think there are certain things you can do for water control in America, because that will be our most precious resource. In America, you pay more for water than you do for gas.

Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.