I can see it now: Osama bin Laden goes up to the pearly gates where George Washington comes out, starts beating him and is then joined by 70 other members of the Continental Congress. Osama will say, Hey, wait! Where are my 71 virgins? And George will reply It's 71 Virginians, you asshole!

Please, don't worry so much. Because in the end, none of us have very long on this Earth. Life is fleeting.

Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.

I love doing live action movies, but there's a great job in doing animation, especially one with music.

It never fails - you get in the bath and there's a rub at the lamp

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.