It's hotter than a snake's ass in a wagon rut.

It doesn't matter who you are, if you've got the legs, you can hang with them.

You’ve got to be crazy! It’s too late to be sane, too late. You’ve got to go full tilt bozo... ‘Cause you’re only given a little spark of madness... and if you lose that, you’re nothing

I was once on a German talk show, and this woman said to me, 'Mr. Williams, why do you think there is not so much comedy in Germany?' And I said, 'Did you ever think you killed all the funny people?'

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.

My favorite is when you go to Afghanistan and you meet the special forces guys, and they look like these heavily armed surfers. These guys are the best. You see guys dressed as full Afghans, but then wearing a Yankees hat.

When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?