When the media ask George W. Bush a question, he answers, 'Can I use a lifeline?'
The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'
Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
There's no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.