Humor is a great defense, and an offense too. Usually the recipient isn't too happy about it, but the people around are laughing.

Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.

But if there's love, dear... those are the ties that bind, and you'll have a family in your heart, forever.

Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."

Taking Viagra after open heart surgery is like a Civil War re-enactment with live ammo. Not good.

I love to ride my bike, which is great aerobics, but also just a great time for me to think, so it's like this terrific double bill.

If women ran the world there would be no wars. However every 28 days there would be some very intense negotiations.