Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

If heaven exists, to know that there's laughs, that would be a great thing.

I do believe in love; it's wonderful - especially love third time around, it's even more precious; it's kind of amazing.

It is hard to find something where you can go off as much as I do in stand-up, but I think stand-up allows me that freedom where you can really go off and have a good time.

My battles with addiction definitely shaped how I am now. They really made me deeply appreciate human contact. And the value of friends and family, how precious that is.

I don't have a college degree, and my father didn't have a college degree, so when my son, Zachary, graduated from college, I said, "My boy's got learnin'!"

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.'